Two Americas [Updated]

Source: Power Line

I think it was John Edwards who popularized the “two Americas” theme. But Edwards had the categories wrong. There really are two Americas, and we can divide them in a number of ways. For example: one America consists of those who can cope, while the other America consists of wine moms, 25-year-olds who can’t tell what sex they are, and people who can’t manage personal finances.

This reflection is prompted by the Democrats’ giveaway to people who took out loans that they can’t conveniently pay back. So, as always happens when liberalism rules, the provident are now to bail out the improvident.

The Babylon Bee headlines, wickedly: “Hard-Working Plumber Looking Forward To Paying For His Neighbor’s Gender Studies Degree.”

With Democrats proposing the mass cancellation of student debt, successful Americans around the country are really looking forward to paying taxes to relieve the debt of people who purchased expensive yet useless college degrees. One local plumbing contractor, Sam Caughorn, is really looking forward to paying the tab on his neighbor’s $89,000 gender studies degree.
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According to studies, there are millions of white girls working at coffee shops across the country while struggling under the crushing student debt they acquired by irresponsibly obtaining college degrees that gave them no marketable job skills. Benevolent politicians have proposed transferring all the wealth from trade workers and minority business owners to help indebted white girls with their student loans so they can still afford their daily latte and cat food expenses.

Local gender studies major Amber White is looking forward to having all her debt forgiven, thanks in part to the contributions of plumbers like Sam Caughorn. “I’m so thankful for the generosity of our Democrat leaders!” she said. “They really look out for the little folx. Also, down with capitalism and white men!”

And now the kicker:

According to sources, Sam Caughorn owns a successful business he started right after high school. He also has 5 kids, a nice house, and serves as a deacon at his church. “I guess I can spare some change for poor disadvantaged girls like Amber,” he said.

Maybe being a liberal could officially be recognized as making you a special needs person.

The Babylon Bee is satire, but these days it is hard for satire to keep up with reality. Thus we have this tweet by someone who runs a podcasters’ event:

The “harm done” by the presence of Ben Shapiro. Eek! This is the half of America that can’t cope. The same source followed up with this:

“The weight of that decision is now painfully clear.” Ben Shapiro violated what otherwise must have been a uniformly conformist space. Our apologies to all who suffered trauma from his proximity.

Two Americas: those who can cope vs. the walking wounded. You might think it would be a mismatch, but sadly, there are more in the latter category than, just a few years ago, one could possibly have imagined.

UPDATE: The Daily Wire reveals the incalculable damage done by Ben Shapiro’s attending the Podcast Movement show. Kudos to the brave libs who survived Shapiro’s reign of terror: